So, I am starting this blog with no idea's on what I am going to write about....
I have always thought about having a blog, but never did it.... Until today! I got on facebook today and saw that a friend of mine has one and shares her thoughts. I decided that it was about time.
So here it goes..
This is my new start in life. I just recently moved from Texas to live with my boyfriend's family. This has been a HUGE step for me.. I left all that I knew, everything that I was..My life and my family... I got on a plane and said "Adios" to my hometown.
There have been so many things in my life that have been painful, and almost unbearable; times when I thought I would not be able to make it through. But the Lord always carried me. He put His loving arms around me and said that I would make it, that I was strong enough. I feel this time, I am not strong. I feel weaker than I have ever been. I try to stand strong, I try to be brave. I put a smile on my face each day, and look for the positive in everything. But when I am alone, my walls break down, and I feel that my heart will not be able to take pain any more.
So in this time in my life, my family does not agree with the choice I made; which was leaving home. I felt that was my only option to be able to put aside my pain and move on. I truly believed it would make all the pain go away... But it hasn't! It seems no matter where I turn, no matter what I do, my heart will have this dark cloud following me. I am not quite sure what I did that the Lord has allowed this to happen in my life.. But I trust him, and I move forward in His direction.
I will not go into much detail about what happened that caused me to say goodbye to my loved ones. But I do have to say that I miss them more than words can even describe. The pain in my heart feels like an open wound... A wound that won't heal.
The pain was gone for a short time, the time when I was in shock to the fact I left my family for something different. But over time of being able to sit and think, I feel this emptiness again... a hole in my heart. A hole that was filled with the love of my family, and the relationships that we shared. I miss them dearly.
Like I said, I don't understand why the Lord has allowed things to happen the way that they have. I don't understand that when I felt to make a decision, one that was not based upon sin, but rather what I felt the Lord opened the door to, my family decided that I was wrong and I won't be apart of their lives unless I choose what they believe is right. They will always love me, and they will be there for me, but it is not the same. It won't be a perfect relationship. Not one where I just call my mom up for a recipe, or call my dad to ask him how to fix something on my car...
Isn't our relationship with the Lord based upon the Lord and that person? Not the Lord and the family and YOU... I know we need to have guidance in our lives. People that are strong in the Lord to help us continue to grow stronger in Him, but it is still between you and Him. Nobody else is going to stand before the Lord except yourself.
It was time for me to make my own decision.... Time for me to live my life trusting the Lord.. Not trusting through others.
I will always seek advice, and guidance... I am not perfect in any way. Men can be deceived by their own hearts.... I will always choose to search my heart out, and find the truth. To ALWAYS live for the Lord....
I will miss my family more that I can say... And I only pray that one day very soon, things will be so much better than they are right now....
But where I go from here? Only the Lord knows..... I will hold my head up high... Pray with all that I am... And now spread my wings and fly.....
This is my new adventure!! And we will see what new things I come across as time goes!
I will continue posting.. its rather fun ;) .. and seeing that right now I don't have a job, this will help me as the days go by... Hopefully I will have people reading this soon...
God Bless You
Hey Hannah,
ReplyDeleteJust confirmed our FB friendship. I don't know the circumstances behind what has happened in your family, but I DO know how hard it is to be away from family even under good circumstances. I would just encourage you to stay close to the Lord while you are in CA, try to get plugged into a good church there and make some good godly friends that will encourage you in your walk with the Lord, and just keep communicating with your family. You may not feel like it can be a casual relationship right now, but words of love are never a bad thing! But just like you said, our hearts can be deceived, so don't search out "your own heart", search God's heart in the Bible. It's interesting that today I was going over some Bible passages with my little 8 yos, and the theme was that the Bible has all the answers. "Where do we learn how to love and obey God? In the Bible alone." We can't change the Bible to justify what we do, but if we love God, we will follow what is written in His word.
Praying for peace for you tonight as you seek God's will in your life.
Blessings,
Darlene Benoit
I have a blog too, but I haven't written in it for a long time. Maybe I will have to start it back up! www.jimdarbe.blogspot.com
Oops, you're in MN - sorry! I used to have a girlfriend in MN and I got a sweatshirt from there that said, "Cold hands, warm heart!" The words have since faded and are unreadable. I miss my sweatshirt! Paul went to MN for a little vacation with his girlfriend's family and he enjoyed being there since he had never been there.
ReplyDeleteYeah, stay warm!
Thanks Hannah for posting. Your Aunt has been concerned with the state of your heart. A couple of verses to stand on:
ReplyDeleteJohn 4:6 - Jesus said to them "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
Colosians 3:12-15 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
And lastly was Grandma's favorite saying "This too shall pass".
So many times we don't understand why He allows or requires we go through suffering. But as I like to say, if you knew what was on the other side, would you bow down to it? The answer for most of us is unfortunately yes. I mean who really wants to suffer?! But the thing is that we would probably not truly learn what He wants us to.
Hang in there, keep mosting.
Much Love,
Aunt Renee