job!

I have always seen people sitting down in coffee shops, on their computers and I wonder what kinda of business they are doing or what kind of Blog they are writing. I have always wanted to do this as well.. Well guess what!! I'm doing it! :D I'm sitting here in Caribou Coffee, on a lap top, working on my blog... how cool is that!
Now the cool news is, (drum roll please)......... I just got a job here! :D
I'm really excited! I will now have money to put away for my wedding, and my trips to Cali to go visit Jeremy! woohoo!

Well, i don't have much to update on... I have no cool thoughts of awesome topics to write about, this is pretty much all that is going through my head right now...
I'll post more later!

My mom...

There are so many wonderful things about my mom, It would take a very large book to even begin to tell you about the women she is.

I will have to make mine short, otherwise I won't get any sleep tonight.. And I'm not even sure where to begin...

A mother is someone that is irreplaceable. She is the one that nurtures and cares for you from the moment you come out of her womb.. She is the one that feeds you, makes sure you are safe and are tucked away in bed each night.

And she continues to place her love and her heart in your hands even after you are married and have your own family. Her love never changes, Never fails. She will love you forever, like you for always, as long as you're living, her baby you'll be.

My mom is the most amazing women I have ever met. Sure we have our problems, and there are times I can't stand listening to what she has to say... But she is truly my hero, my role model, and forever my mommy.

From the first moment I can remember,  I couldn't wait to be older.. I had older brothers and older friends.. and I wanted to be just like them..I remember right after my birthday I would start counting down the days to my next one....My mom would always be behind me saying " Just enjoy your age, you will never be 7 years old again"... She was right.. I will never be 7 again.. I will never be a teenager again.. Time goes by so fast... It is almost like sand in an hour glass.

I wish I had listened a little closer to what she had to say, because now I am looking back and I wish that I could be that little girl again... A little girl that wanted to be just like her mommy.. Did everything with her mommy.... And didn't have a care in the world except for what mommy had to say...

Anyways, I'm getting carried away there.

My mom is the most selfless person I have ever met.. Never once did she think about herself and her needs before ours. There was a time in our lives that money was a little bit of an issue and my mom decided that we needed more shoes... She didn't even think about herself and the fact that she was wearing the same tennis shoes for over 3 years and they started having holes in the sides. All she cared about was making sure we had newer and better shoes on our feet...

She has worn the same scratched up glasses for the past 8 years because she wanted to put our money other places.. Like piano and voice lessons for me... New clothes for me, school books for me, basketball for me... me, me, me, me, me..... Never for her....

In my life I dealt with being selfish.... Wanting only what was best for me... That was something the Lord really had to bring me through with some time and lots of prayer... But now I look, and all I want to do is be the servant that my mother displayed for me my whole life. A truly devoted wife and mother.. It wasn't easy for her.. Three children that went through rebellion.. many nights where she was on her face until early hours in the morning.. waking up with swollen eyes from praying all night.

My mom's knees have never ceased of praying.

I'm looking back now at all the time I had with my mother that I never cherished the way that I should have. Many times my mom asked me to help her with something, not for the fact that she needed help, but for the fact she wanted to spend the time with me while she was doing it, and I would complain and say I would rather finish playing my piano or watching the tv... I see how many times I missed out on an opportunity of building a stronger relationship.

The last few months before I moved from home, I started realizing the time I was missing with her, and I started doing more things.. Helping her out more.. Being with her just for the sake of enjoying her company.

And even for the last 10 months, I went through a lot of pain, and giving the Lord all of my heart... It was so hard for me to give up something that was so important in my life.. I went through so many restless nights... Days on end where I did nothing but stare at the wall and cry... But my mom was always there for me.. She gave me my space, but was there to hold me as soon as I needed her.... There were so many nights that all I could do was cry, and she would hold me until the tears couldn't come any more.. and then she would hold me some more.

I have spent so much time with her, but not the quality time that I needed... And now looking back I regret so much.

But I know that she is always there for me, her love will never change.... And though I am not with her right now, there will be more time that I can spend with her. Time that will be different because of what I have learned...I will cherish ever minute I have with her. I will learn from her every day... I want to be the women that she is.

She is compassionate, loving, giving, godly, amazing, funny, caring, and she has a heart for the Father... These are attributes that I have learned from her, and still continue to learn...

So mom, I love you... I am so sorry for not always being the daughter that I should have been.. I am sorry for failing in so many ways, and for breaking your heart so many times... just thinking about the pain I have put you through is making me cry....

You are the most amazing women, and I only pray that the Lord will make me even just a little bit like you.. And make me the kind of mother that you are..
I am sorry that I am not with you right now.... But I will be there soon..

I love you with everything that I am mom...... Thank you for showing me and training me to be the women that I am today.

Brand New Start

So, I am starting this blog with no idea's on what I am going to write about....
I have always thought about having a blog, but never did it.... Until today! I got on facebook today and saw that a friend of mine has one and shares her thoughts. I decided that it was about time.
So here it goes..

This is my new start in life. I just recently moved from Texas to live with my boyfriend's family. This has been a HUGE step for me.. I left all that I knew, everything that I was..My life and my family... I got on a plane and said "Adios" to my hometown.
There have been so many things in my life that have been painful, and almost unbearable; times when I thought I would not be able to make it through. But the Lord always carried me. He put His loving arms around me and said that I would make it, that I was strong enough. I feel this time, I am not strong. I feel weaker than I have ever been. I try to stand strong, I try to be brave. I put a smile on my face each day, and look for the positive in everything. But when I am alone, my walls break down, and I feel that my heart will not be able to take pain any more.
So in this time in my life, my family does not agree with the choice I made; which was leaving home. I felt that was my only option to be able to put aside my pain and move on. I truly believed it would make all the pain go away... But it hasn't! It seems no matter where I turn, no matter what I do, my heart will have this dark cloud following me. I am not quite sure what I did that the Lord has allowed this to happen in my life.. But I trust him, and I move forward in His direction.

I will not go into much detail about what happened that caused me to say goodbye to my loved ones. But I do have to say that I miss them more than words can even describe. The pain in my heart feels like an open wound... A wound that won't heal.
The pain was gone for a short time, the time when I was in shock to the fact I left my family for something different. But over time of being able to sit and think, I feel this emptiness again... a hole in my heart. A hole that was filled with the love of my family, and the relationships that we shared. I miss them dearly.

Like I said, I don't understand why the Lord has allowed things to happen the way that they have. I don't understand that when I felt to make a decision, one that was not based upon sin, but rather what I felt the Lord opened the door to, my family decided that I was wrong and I won't be apart of their lives unless I choose what they believe is right. They will always love me, and they will be there for me, but it is not the same. It won't be a perfect relationship. Not one where I just call my mom up for a recipe, or call my dad to ask him how to fix something on my car...
Isn't our relationship with the Lord based upon the Lord and that person? Not the Lord and the family and YOU... I know we need to have guidance in our lives. People that are strong in the Lord to help us continue to grow stronger in Him, but it is still between you and Him. Nobody else is going to stand before the Lord except yourself.
It was time for me to make my own decision.... Time for me to live my life trusting the Lord.. Not trusting through others.
I will always seek advice, and guidance... I am not perfect in any way. Men can be deceived by their own hearts.... I will always choose to search my heart out, and find the truth. To ALWAYS live for the Lord....
I will miss my family more that I can say... And I only pray that one day very soon, things will be so much better than they are right now....
But where I go from here? Only the Lord knows..... I will hold my head up high... Pray with all that I am... And now spread my wings and fly.....
This is my new adventure!! And we will see what new things I come across as time goes!

I will continue posting.. its rather fun ;) .. and seeing that right now I don't have a job, this will help me as the days go by... Hopefully I will have people reading this soon...

God Bless You